The Ten Commandments

Catholics often justify their faith with reference to the Ten Commandments. They believe that the instructions Moses dragged down from Mount Sinai are words directly from the mouth of God and that they provide the moral framework required to ensure that one lives a ‘good’ life. For me, this list of imperatives does anything but.

Instead, the Ten Commandments absolve people of individual responsibility and remove the application of sound judgment in ambiguous situations. Rather than assuming that individuals can arrive at their own decisions regarding right and wrong, these dogmatic instructions prescribe black and white solutions to problems which are rarely so clear cut.

The Commandments also hint at a God so insecure in his position that he needs to provide a self-justifying self-defence mechanism to ensure that his subscribers’ heads are not turned by more attractive moral codes, other gods or the following of their own free will. It’s a stance which stinks of paranoia rather than love and heavily suggests that the Commandments were devised by a ruling elite keen to preserve the status quo via propaganda and fear.

Tackling the Commandments in order, it’s very easy to dismiss/destroy/denigrate the majority of them. ‘Thou shalt have no other Gods before me?’ What a load of self-serving nonsense. It’s an order which screams of nothing more than self-preservation – and removes the possibility of free-will, exploring alternatives or having doubt.

The second Commandment is perhaps even more absurd. 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image- any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.' No carved images of heaven or earth? No artistic commemoration or celebration of the beauty and diversity of the natural world? God created the world and didn’t want us to produce joyous reproductions of it? Bullshit. We should all revel in the wonder which surrounds us – and a benevolent God would surely encourage us to do so. This Commandment has no place in a world where art, in its many forms, is celebrated.

'You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.' Why not? Is a deity who allows war, famine, disease and death one who is above criticism? He ought not to be. Of all the Commandments this is almost certainly the easiest to pick apart. If God did exist it would be self-evident that even such a great designer ought to be subject to criticism and ridicule for his many mistakes, acts of cruelty and mismanagement of his great world.

'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.' It’s easy to see the logic behind this order. Sadly, it’s far too dogmatic to be useful. We all need a rest. Everyone should strike a useful balance between work and leisure. But surely we ourselves are in the best position to decide when we need to kick back and relax. And if our love for God was pure, would we really need to set aside a day to worship him? Is the omnipotent, omniscient one really that insecure?

The fifth Commandment is entirely admirable: 'Honour your father and your mother.' What it fails to recognise, however, is that honour and respect must be earned. Not all parents have earned that privilege. Our ancestors might have given us life but that does not automatically make them good, worthy people. Our elders are not necessarily our betters. Respect must be earned, not given.

'You shall not kill’ is difficult to refute. Murder is rightly frowned upon. But euthanasia? At best this is a grey area. And a hugely hypocritical one given the amount of smiting, massacring and murdering God himself got up to in the Bible. Not to mention the religious crusading which has taken place in the last 2000 years.

'You shall not commit adultery.' Fair enough.


'You shall not steal.' Agreed.

‘You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.' Essentially, you shouldn’t tell lies. Again, this is difficult to dispute. But it’s very similar to the previous two Commandments: they all prohibit dishonest behaviour. Is this something that needs legislating against? And if it is, can we not just be more general and produce one catch-all Commandment: Thou shalt be honest.

'You shall not covet your neighbour’s house you shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour’s.' So you should just accept your lot in life? You shouldn’t strive to improve? You shouldn’t try to better yourself? What nonsense. It’s certainly true that society can sometimes be alarmingly materialistic, but coveting goods, services – even people – is what keeps most societies functioning. It’s also pretty damning that in Biblical times slavery seemed to be de rigeur. We wouldn’t accept it now – a sure-fire indicator that the world has moved on.

Perhaps the Ten Commandments were more applicable when they were initially devised. Even so, the arguments I’ve made above suggest that they were always too dogmatic and inflexible. Certainly they seem to be the product of a defensive, jealous mindset. There are no orders to behave positively – just commands not to do certain things. It’s a prescription of prohibitions rather than any form of proactive or positive advice. It’s a joyless list.

It’s also an unnecessary list. Apologists for Christianity defend the Ten Commandments on the basis that it provides a moral platform or framework for the human race. But that’s simply untrue. Other religions (and the non-religious) have also arrived at their own moral frameworks which are pretty similar to ours in the western world. Diverse religions and unrelated societies have all decided that murder is wrong and that honesty is desirable. That they arrived at those conclusions independently indicates that such behaviour does not need to be legislated: humans are inherently humane.

If it is really necessary to have ten commandments, maybe it’s time they were updated to provide a more relevant guide to life in the modern world. These should reflect a more permissive, accepting and understanding society which preaches enlightenment and understanding rather than prohibition and intolerance. My (very simple) ten are below...

• Think for yourself and make informed decisions.
• Respect the world around you.
• Be honest.
• Treat people as you’d like to be treated: harm no one.
• Do your best.
• Avoid violence.
• Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
• Enjoy life – you only get one.
• Never stop learning – and learn from your mistakes.
• Do not judge on the basis of ethnicity, gender or sexuality.

We can't always obey them all. But it makes more sense to try and follow these than to have every Sunday off work to worship a jealous God who has banned art and doesn't want you to use swear words.

The Burden of Proof

Despite being an avowed atheist, this week I’ll be attending a Catholic Mass. I don’t really have a say in this – I work in a Catholic school and I’m obligated accordingly. I won’t cross myself, I won’t pray and, even if I’m asked, I won’t sing religious hymns. Should I really be working in a school which espouses values and beliefs I find so hard to swallow? Am I the worst kind of hypocrite?

I don’t think so, no. Firstly, I’m supremely confident that the majority of children in the school are not practising Catholics either. For whatever reason, these kids have been enrolled in a religious school by their parents. I suspect that the mothers and fathers in question hold Roman Catholic beliefs themselves and have decided to bring their children into their faith. But like Richard Dawkins has famously said, there are no such there thing as religious children – just children of religious parents.

Secondly, I’m open about my atheism. I’ve discussed it with other members of staff and even some of the pupils. Other opinions should always be available – and there are adherents of other religions working and studying within the school. My lack of religion should be no less tolerated than their faith in different deities.

One question that the pupils have often asked when made aware of my lack of religion is ‘why don’t you believe in God?’ It’s an easy question to answer normally, but when dealing with children it’s important to make my reasons as clear as humanly possible. And what it boils down to is this: there is no proof.

For people who believe in a God, their faith is enough. They simply believe. And so they burden of proof should lie with them. They believe in something which defies the known laws of science, which runs counter to the evidence and which is utterly extraordinary. So they ought to prove the existence of their God.

Proving that something doesn’t exist is practically impossible: phenomena like the Loch Ness Monster and Abominable Snowman are testament to this. But until someone provides irrefutable evidence of their existence they remain a rumour, a possibility. And so people bring forward fuzzy photographs, dubious casts of enormous footprints and the like. These items are rightly dismissed and the majority of people reject their existence thanks to the lack of evidence. And so it should be with God.

The testimonies of unreliable witnesses are the only proof we are provided with for the existence of the Christian God. That and the faith of his followers. But surely they ought to be providing some verification for their claims. After all, believers in Scientology have been mocked mercilessly for years thanks to their ‘out there’ beliefs. But if Scientology had been founded 2000 years ago it would not be seen to be the preserve of crackpots like Tom Cruise: it would be part of a collection of contradictory and incompatible religions followed in different countries and cultures across the planet.

To believe in one God is to dismiss the rest. Surely that’s an arrogantly absurd position? Why believe in one and not the others? Surely that in itself is a form of atheism? To believe in one deity is to deny hundreds of others, to cast doubt on others’ beliefs, to claim the moral or intellectual high ground – a charge consistently levelled at atheists. My lack of belief in any god makes me only one god worse off than the religious.

George Carlin: Religion Is Bullshit

When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion.

No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you.

He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize - something is fucked up!

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a supreme being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.

Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favours. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday - His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy will be done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His will? It's all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: first of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbour with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the mojo man, same as the voodoo lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that x-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.

In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!